導(dǎo)語(yǔ)
2021屆畢業(yè)生的申請(qǐng)季已經(jīng)在悄悄拉開(kāi)帷幕。你是否擔(dān)憂自己使出渾身解數(shù)夸獎(jiǎng)夢(mèng)校的成功，用盡畢生文采證明自己的優(yōu)秀，卻只能等來(lái)一張大學(xué)發(fā)來(lái)的“好人卡”，附帶一段無(wú)情又不失委婉的拒絕：“你很優(yōu)秀，但是我們不合適”。其實(shí)，作為成績(jī)單，活動(dòng)列表，標(biāo)花成績(jī)，獎(jiǎng)項(xiàng)等硬核客觀材料之外的主觀項(xiàng)目，文書(shū)中表達(dá)自己的性格和個(gè)性才是名校申請(qǐng)臨門一腳的精髓。如何寫(xiě)出自己獨(dú)有的情操，錚錚的傲骨，亦或平凡的熱忱？一起來(lái)看哈佛大學(xué)mark的優(yōu)秀文書(shū)，體會(huì)一下“卓越的大佬”是如何展露自己那顆有趣的靈魂的。
1. 學(xué)生信息
姓名：Samantha--亞裔，女生
所在地區(qū)：韓國(guó)首爾
高中背景：私立高中，應(yīng)屆畢業(yè)生400人左右
成績(jī)：
GPA4.0/4.0；
SAT閱讀800，數(shù)學(xué)800；
SATII數(shù)學(xué)Level2，化學(xué)，物理
課外活動(dòng)：
1. 科研項(xiàng)目：在（韓國(guó)）江原國(guó)立大學(xué)的野生動(dòng)物生態(tài)與保護(hù)基因組學(xué)實(shí)驗(yàn)室進(jìn)行馬鐵菊頭蝠相關(guān)研究項(xiàng)目
Research in greater horseshoe bats at Wildlife Ecology and Conservation Genomics Lab (Kangwon National University)
2. 韓國(guó)擊劍社創(chuàng)始人，社長(zhǎng)
Korean archery club founder and president
3. “夢(mèng)想與行動(dòng)”志愿者項(xiàng)目副社長(zhǎng)
Dream and Act Volunteer Club vice president
4. 模擬法庭比賽 Mock Trial
獎(jiǎng)項(xiàng)：
1. 年度最佳學(xué)生獎(jiǎng) Ji In Yong award (given to the best student of the year)
2. 韓國(guó)青少年射箭錦標(biāo)賽三等獎(jiǎng) Third prize in National Youth Korean Archery Championship
3. 美國(guó)國(guó)家優(yōu)異獎(jiǎng)學(xué)金半決賽 U.S. National Merit Scholarship semifinalist
申請(qǐng)專業(yè)
Integrative Biology 綜合生物學(xué)
2.
文書(shū)原文
ESSAY
Language is not the sole domain of humans. Animals also talk, and over the last few years I have been fascinated by learning two new languages that even foreign language school students have never heard of. Studying animal languages is very different from learning Korean, Chinese, or Spanish. There are always dictionaries to refer to when I learn human languages, but when learning animal languages I don't have a Google translator to spit out satisfactory answers. In fact, I have to use my own judgment, which combines my mind, heart, and instinct to interpret what I hear.
Tree frogs, specifically Japanese tree frogs and Suweon tree frogs, use songs not just to express their amorous intentions but to survive. While these two species may look physically identical, they are sexually incompatible. So in order to lure the right female, male frogs sing serenades that are distinguishable from other species. Analyzing these serenades at an ecology lab with spectrograms and waveforms, I decoded every pulse of sounds emitted by these ravenous tree frogs into the patterns of numbers to let humans understand their lyrics.
Unlike frogs' mating songs, bats use language not only to communicate but also to navigate and locate insects at night. While flying, bats shoot out biosonar sounds and listen to the echoes that bounce off obstacles to grasp the world around them. Visualizing a world just with sound, I was enchanted by their invisible language when I studied the Greater Horseshoe bat's supersonic echolocation at a wildlife conservation lab. When bats cast nets of invisible words every millisecond during free flight and ziplining experiments, we captured and revealed their dialogue that had neither conjugations nor grammar.
After eavesdropping on tree frogs' and bats' conversations, I discovered that they use languages for survival. The language of the frogs exemplifies power — the stronger and bigger a frog is, the louder it can sing, scaring off all its prey and bravely exposing itself to predators. And for bats, their invisible language is their vision. They silently scream out for help and listen carefully as nature's echoes guide their path. In a sense, animals communicate with other species and with nature.
On the other hand, humans have developed esoteric words, convoluted sentences, and dialects to express their sophisticated ideas and feelings. This amazing evolution has, I believe, isolated us from nature. Now we prefer to live away from wildlife, tending to communicate only among other Homo sapiens through texts, tweets, and e-mails. Taking a page from Dr. Dolittle's pocket diction, I hope that my work helps us broaden our anthropocentric minds and understand animals who also share our biosphere. If our souls are reconnected with nature, maybe we could hear Mother Nature whisper some secrets about her mysteries that we are too wired or unaware to heed.
Early explorers boldly left the comforts of their homeland to learn the languages and traditions of other cultures. Due to their dedication, these self-taught bilinguals were able to bridge cultures and share values between different communities. In the same way, I want to take risks in learning to communicate with other species beyond human beings and become a multilingual biologist who connects human and animal realms. I wish to venture into the animal kingdom and become a pioneer in mastering and sharing nature's occult dialects with our species. When we finally learn to comprehend and harmonize with nature, we humans might become more humane.
3. 文書(shū)點(diǎn)評(píng)
申請(qǐng)者想要展示自己學(xué)習(xí)動(dòng)物語(yǔ)言這一主題，往往很難在除文書(shū)外的其他申請(qǐng)材料中呈現(xiàn)。Samantha在文書(shū)選材上，選擇對(duì)這個(gè)細(xì)節(jié)進(jìn)行描述，不僅使她這項(xiàng)獨(dú)特的學(xué)術(shù)興趣更加生動(dòng)鮮活，還很好的表達(dá)了她對(duì)于人類語(yǔ)言和動(dòng)物語(yǔ)言之間關(guān)系的深刻思考。
在大學(xué)的申請(qǐng)文書(shū)當(dāng)中，沒(méi)完沒(méi)了的嘮叨一些學(xué)術(shù)性很強(qiáng)的內(nèi)容并不是一個(gè)很好的策略。因此Samantha聰明地將她的學(xué)術(shù)知識(shí)和自我思考與趣味十足的故事編織在了一起。此外，她并沒(méi)有籠統(tǒng)的表述自己對(duì)生物或者科學(xué)的整體興趣，而是選擇了一項(xiàng)正好需要一定的學(xué)術(shù)背景來(lái)支撐的一個(gè)“精致”的科學(xué)故事。在詳談對(duì)特定學(xué)術(shù)課題的探究的同時(shí)，她也在闡述自己對(duì)于課題的獨(dú)特見(jiàn)解上運(yùn)用了同樣多的篇幅，包括反思以“人類“為中心的文明進(jìn)程，表達(dá)自己愿意在動(dòng)物王國(guó)探險(xiǎn)，解鎖大自然的神秘語(yǔ)言，掌握多種物種的語(yǔ)言和文化，成為重建人類與自然母親的聯(lián)結(jié)道路上的先驅(qū)。這種領(lǐng)袖氣質(zhì)和格局與培養(yǎng)了8位美國(guó)總統(tǒng)和133位諾貝爾獎(jiǎng)得主（世界第一）的哈佛大學(xué)非常契合。
Samantha打動(dòng)讀者的秘訣在于她對(duì)于自己興趣清晰又充滿熱情的講述。其中，她形容動(dòng)物語(yǔ)言的措辭十分巧妙。比如，在形容蝙蝠的語(yǔ)言時(shí)，她通過(guò)“連詞和語(yǔ)法”來(lái)講原本看似平常的動(dòng)物行為擬人化，突出了整篇文書(shū)的亮點(diǎn)。而后，她在文末點(diǎn)出對(duì)于人與動(dòng)物之間脫節(jié)的思考，并表達(dá)重新連接人與動(dòng)物之間關(guān)系的志向，更賦予她先前使用擬人化手法更深刻的含義，刷新了文章立意的高度。這篇文書(shū)在題材新穎討巧的基礎(chǔ)上，通過(guò)鮮明的表達(dá)手法和作者直截了當(dāng)?shù)臒崆槌晒Φ亟o讀者留下深刻且生動(dòng)的印象。
4. 主顧問(wèn)點(diǎn)評(píng)
Samantha的文書(shū)雖然講到了“動(dòng)物語(yǔ)言”這一很專業(yè)的方面，但讀起來(lái)卻很輕松。
很多申請(qǐng)人容易在寫(xiě)作自己的學(xué)術(shù)或者研究經(jīng)歷的文書(shū)時(shí)落入一個(gè)又一個(gè)的誤區(qū)：花了過(guò)多的篇幅解釋自己的研究?jī)?nèi)容，然后講自己是怎樣廢寢忘食的投入學(xué)習(xí)。為什么說(shuō)是誤區(qū)？因?yàn)槟愕膶W(xué)術(shù)能力和學(xué)習(xí)熱情可以通申請(qǐng)材料中的成績(jī)、獎(jiǎng)項(xiàng)等部分得到證明，所以在文書(shū)中更多的應(yīng)該是展現(xiàn)個(gè)人的理解，收獲和反思等。
Samantha的文章結(jié)構(gòu)非常合理，文章并不長(zhǎng)，571個(gè)單詞，開(kāi)頭清晰的點(diǎn)出動(dòng)物語(yǔ)言研究的主題，隨后兩段用了樹(shù)蛙和蝙蝠的兩個(gè)例子來(lái)展示對(duì)于動(dòng)物語(yǔ)言的多角度研究，然后過(guò)渡到對(duì)比動(dòng)物語(yǔ)言、人類語(yǔ)言與自然的關(guān)系。另外Samantha的整個(gè)寫(xiě)作并沒(méi)有采用華麗的語(yǔ)言和復(fù)雜的詞匯，跟她的整個(gè)人設(shè)也很符合：她的GPA和標(biāo)化成績(jī)顯示了她是一名理科學(xué)霸小姐姐，語(yǔ)言清晰易讀體現(xiàn)了整體的一致性。
精彩的文書(shū)絕對(duì)是申請(qǐng)的加分項(xiàng)，但是大家還是要始終牢記申請(qǐng)硬件的重要性哦！
總結(jié)
本篇文書(shū)的作者并沒(méi)有在選材上跳出她申請(qǐng)專業(yè)的范疇，而是在這個(gè)大范圍下，通過(guò)細(xì)節(jié)描寫(xiě)與獨(dú)特的角度單刀直入的表達(dá)自己的學(xué)業(yè)和思考，坦然道來(lái)自己對(duì)未來(lái)的期待。比起華麗的語(yǔ)言和感嘆，她踏實(shí)又熱情的寫(xiě)出了對(duì)于自己專業(yè)和特長(zhǎng)的熱愛(ài)，給人很真實(shí)的感受。
無(wú)論你在沖刺挑戰(zhàn)重重的夢(mèng)校，還是適合自己的match校，你都將和全世界各地優(yōu)秀學(xué)生同臺(tái)競(jìng)爭(zhēng)。在硬件（在校成績(jī)、標(biāo)化成績(jī)、競(jìng)賽獎(jiǎng)項(xiàng)等）條件上，總有和你一樣優(yōu)秀，甚至更加優(yōu)秀的學(xué)生，當(dāng)然也總有和你存在差距的學(xué)生。拋開(kāi)焦慮，在文書(shū)中真誠(chéng)自信的表達(dá)你最關(guān)心的話題，凸顯出“你這個(gè)人”的風(fēng)格和特質(zhì)，通常會(huì)帶來(lái)意想不到的驚喜。就像招生官說(shuō)的：當(dāng)你已經(jīng)闖過(guò)了申請(qǐng)材料審核的前兩關(guān)之后，這時(shí)我腦海里在想的是——你是怎樣的一個(gè)人（as a person）？
那么，申請(qǐng)準(zhǔn)備階段的成績(jī)和活動(dòng)如何平衡，校內(nèi)校外考試與競(jìng)賽之間如何合理規(guī)劃，為自己的文書(shū)更好的增添素材？只有成功的感受和經(jīng)驗(yàn)才值得寫(xiě)在文書(shū)里？英國(guó)和加拿大學(xué)校也有文書(shū)？
更多文書(shū)指導(dǎo)和留學(xué)長(zhǎng)線規(guī)劃，歡迎掃描下方二維碼添加小蓋咨詢專業(yè)顧問(wèn)！
